


flowers up my throat, saying nothing for i'll just hope

by luminescentie



Series: radiant memories - a dr ships collection [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, I ship this reeee, Implied Family Abuse, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Ounaga, Pre-Canon, YonaKichi, aka flower vomiting, headcannons, headcanons, like kick on the leg type of minor, my feelings died, rip feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 03:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminescentie/pseuds/luminescentie
Summary: Yet it hurts. It hurts to see her. It hurts to talk. It hurts your chest. It hurts your throat. It hurts your heart. It hurts you. It burns your eyes, it burns your mind, burns everything that is you-pregame hanahaki au ounagapreviously named struggimento





	flowers up my throat, saying nothing for i'll just hope

**Author's Note:**

> this was made for the crackship challenge in danganronpa amino, v3 spoilers ahead!

You remember the day you met her.

You remember it very, very well.

You were being mocked on by that...guy with a goatee, Kaito Momota, his name, if you remembered it correctly. An avid fan of space and its insides. Someone who liked to mock people, a lot.

Well, to be honest, you could care less about the guy. Well, maybe he could care to shave the damned facial feature. I mean, you're not the only person who thinks about it. Even she said so herself.

Who was she again? Oh right, you can't ever forget her, can you now, Ko-ki-chi?

She was the one who rescued you, the art fanatic herself, the one who recently had hung out with that brash girl who sometimes approves magic, sometimes thinks its literal cyanide and that Aikido girl that still can't bear to stand up for herself. Her name, Angie Yonaga. Told that tall idiot, "Stop bullying the poor kid, go back to your farm with your goatee."

The second you hear her was the second you'd see his eyes widen. A second ago he was cornering you to the wall, spatting at you coldly, and then he'd look at her way and crack his knuckles, his eyes blazing with anger as he looks at her harshly. "And what are you gonna do about that girlie? You gonna call help like "Oh, someone help he-""

And the next thing you know, he was on the ground. Fell down, to be exact. A pained expression displayed on his features, holding onto his leg for dear life. It was then you realized that she had kicked him, on the leg, without any mercy.

"You can thank Tenko for that, Mr. Astronaut." She says to him, looking down on him as if he was some slug as he keeps on whining of what she'd done. She scoffs, then passes by him and then takes a glance at you. You, who was terrified. You, who just watched your bully knocked down and whimpering [like how you always did]. You, who was saved by the girl who never cared for anyone except her acquaintances.

"You gotta watch out for yourself, kid." She tells you now, eyeing you from top to bottom. Her icy cold ocean blue eyes piercing through your timid amethyst ones and stops you from trembling. "If no one's around, you could've been beaten up by now, you know."

You nod frantically and she looks away from you, going about her own way now, slumping her schoolbag around her right shoulder and leaves you all alone. Well with the exception of that guy still hurting, that is.

You can hear Kaito asking you for help, and you had to choose between two options. To either help him, or leave him be.

You chose to leave him.

Funny, you knew. You giggled on your way home.

After that day, Kaito Momota never bugs you again.

That was the first time you saw Angie Yonaga. Well, not first time since you'd often see her in the hallways. But it was the first time you actually communicated with her.

First time, Ouma, but not the last time.

\----

After that day, Kaito Momota never bugs you again.

The second time you met Angie Yonaga was at a rainy, humid day. Well, they day was sunny. But noon and afterwards was just plain humid. You'd be looking outside the windows and gazing at the raindrops on its surface. Sometimes, it'd go out of hand and you'd hear your Math teacher scream at you for not paying attention. The whole class would laugh and you'd be silent.

Weak. You'd call yourself weak.

No matter about that, what matters for this story is that you'd see her beneath the ceiling, near the steps up to the school, looking outside, bored. It was then that you realized Angie Yonaga didn't like humid weathers, and that Angie Yonaga did not bring an umbrella to school.

You'd linger for awhile, pondering in your spot on whether to share your umbrella with her or not. At one side, if she accepts it, it would be a good way for you to get to know her. But if she denies, then you'll probably be embarrassed your whole life.

You took the risk.

You took small steps full of hesitation, each step increasing your nervousness, each step making you sweat more, each step making you tremble more, and then, before you've even realized it, you'd reach her side.

She takes a peek at you, and you see her lips moving, as if she's trying to say something, but before she can even say anything, you'd offer her your umbrella and ask her "Wanna go together?"

She looks at you for awhile, then at your trembling hand holding the umbrella. You'd then see her lips purse for awhile before giving you a small smile. "Sure kid, sure." She'd reply as she takes the umbrella off your hand and place her hand on yours, stopping you from trembling again. "Also, stop trembling will you? You're making me think I'm a monster or something."

You'd take a glance at her hand and then at her eyes again, and then slowly nod. She then tugs on you and then you both went on your way home.

Your homes [well not really a home for you] were rather close, so it was a convenient thing. Her house was a tad farther from yours, so you told her to use your umbrella until she got there, and that she could give it back to you tomorrow.

She'd comply and when she disappeared from view, you'd go inside your house. Not home, house.

You were greeted by your father chugging alcohol down, you'd say a timid 'I'm home' and quickly go up to your room, better doing that rather than having to hear your father's drunken preaches on you.

Then when you reach your rather deteriorated wooden door, you'd quickly twist the doorknob, go inside then shut it back. With a pant, you'd take off your school bag from your shoulders and lie down on your teared bed. On it a striped purple blanket and pillow, beside it an almost broken oak tableside that had a picture of your deceased loved mother carrying little baby you.

You smiled, kissed the portrait and whispered to no one,

"I think I made a new friend, mama."

\----

The next few days went fine, you had the courage to approach her again and she welcomed you with rather open arms. You'd talk with her, she'd introduce you to her friends, who were named Himiko, the love hate magic girl and Tenko, the aikido girl that can't help herself. They were nice actually, even if Himiko was rude sometimes and if Tenko was a bit shy, they were still nice.

Minutes of being with them turned into hours that turned into days that turned into weeks that turned into months. Tenko and Himiko were fine, they were good friends. But Angie, dear lord, Angie was the thing.

You don't know when, maybe the fifth or sixth month of your friendship, but then you'd start to pay attention to her more. Her ocean blue eyes that sparkled when she rarely giggled, how her nose scrunched when you four arrived at the cafeteria, how she'd sway when she was walking, how adorable she'd look when she said 'byeyonara' to you three and it was just so terribly beautiful.

Kilig, a word your mother had taught you when you were younger. She told you that it refers to the feeling of excitement due to various romantic situations such as making first eye contact with one's crush or watching another person propose to someone. There is no exact equivalent English term for kilig, she'd tell you.

It was beautiful.

So when you choked up spurts of blood accompanied by a single petal of the striped carnation on the morning of a Monday, safe to say you were surprised and scared.

You'd rush to school, the petal tucked between your pointer finger and thumb as countless thoughts go by your mind. Had you swallowed a flower yesterday? No, surely not. Surely not. Maybe Tenko or Himiko'd have an answer to this.

So to Tenko and Himiko you went.

"Oh, purple gremlin." Himiko said when she saw you rushing to their direction, panting and bending down that your hands touched your knees. The two were sitting on the school bench, your daily meet-up place. "What is it now? Angie still hasn't arrived ye- wait."

She lifts your hand and takes the petal off your fingers, her eyes filled with horror as her lip quivers. "Dear god," she mutters, then looking at you again, she ushers you to sit as she tells Tenko to make space for you. Then, she looks at you rather seriously. "Answer me truthfully Kokichi, did you cough this up?"

You nod fearfully. Himiko's eyes widen, looking at the petal then back at you. "Alright, alright, now answer me again Kokichi, be honest." She speaks again, with Tenko behind her looking equally worried. "Who are you in love with?"

You look down at the single bloom, then up at Himiko and Tenko again. You take a deep breath and out of your lips slip out two words, one name. "Angie Yonaga."

Himiko looks at Tenko, scared. You tilt your head at them, as if asking what was wrong. And as if Tenko knew your mind, she answers, "H-Hanahaki. The disease when your love doesn't reciprocate your f-feelings." You could feel tears burning your eyes as you hear her say that. "T-the recipient coughs up petals, which slowly becomes entire flowers until the lungs get filled with flowers a-and roots grow in their respiratory system t-that they...die."

Himiko continues her explanation then as a tear slips from your eye. "The only way for it to end is when your affections are returned, or when you get a surgery to remove the flowers, resulting in lost feelings and maybe even lost memories."

You'd feel another tear slip by as Himiko pats you on your back, whispering an 'I'm sorry'. Hopeless, you were hopeless. Experiencing love was new and appealing but now it was just-

Your mama told you about how lovely love is, but now it's the very thing that's crushing your soul.

It didn't take long after that for Angie come in with her still face, she looks at you, your puffy eyes and your scared expression practically screaming for her to tell you that she loves you, to tell you that the disease was a joke.

But it isn't.

"You fine?" She'd ask you, and then you'd nod happily. It's amazing how acting could change your personality immediately, you know?

You can't let her find out, you don't want her to leave like how mama left you to embrace the skies.

\----

One month since the disease happened.

One month of coughing up petals of different flowers. One month of misery and pain. One month of being unable to tell her how you feel. One month that was full wrecked emotions.

Striped carnations, symbolizing rejection. Red carnations that reminded you how badly your heart ached for her. Yellow carnations that expressed rejection yet again. Gardenias represented secret love. Marigolds for despair.

You've counted every single one now, and the last flower you mentioned, Marigolds, just reminded you of her so much more. Her favorite TV Show that featured of literal schoolmates killing each other, Danganronpa, its main theme was despair against hope, and even you yourself had gotten attached to it now.

So when she asked you to join her, Himiko and Tenko in the new fifty-third killing game signups, you know you couldn't refuse.

The faithful day came and you sneaked out of your house, unnoticed by your sleeping father, snoozing on the couch. You'd creak the door open and find her and...one of her 'friends'.

You'd known now about Shinguuji Korekiyo for four months now. A polite guy who didn't really like [maybe even hated] other humans, but you two have gotten along rather well. He was Angie's 'friend'. Though it would be more appropriate to call him as her crush. You've seen how she looks at him. It was the same with how you look at her. Everything she did, her movements, words, everything screamed 'I love him' and you had to just stand there and support her.

It hurts, but you have to survive.

You three would then go to the designated location, you at the back with them in the front. She was talking to him, she was laughing with him, she was happy because of him.

Not you, him.

You'd see them, you'd see her, you'd see her holding his hand, you'd see her smiling, you'd see her laughing, you'd see how her eyes sparkle and it's not because of you, it's not because of you, it's because of someone else. She's smiling because of someone else, she's laughing because of someone else and the thought hurts you, it hurts you so so much because even if you wanted to deny it, you can't. You can't, you can't you can't-

You can't deny that you love her.

Everytime you saw her, every single time. When she talks, your throat burned. Your heart ached. Your eyes wandered. Your windipes started to fill. Your body stirred. Your ears listened. Your lips curved to form a smile.

Yet it hurts. It hurts to see her. It hurts to talk. It hurts your chest. It hurts your throat. It hurts your heart. It hurts you. It burns your eyes, it burns your mind, burns everything that is you-

A flower climbs it way out your windpipe, you choke.

Your knees feel weak. Coughing, you fall to the ground with a thud as a hand covers over your mouth. And almost immediately you can figure out it's a red carnation. You look down at your hand to find not just a bloody petal anymore, but now it's blooming into a flower.

You see Korekiyo rushing to you and helping you up. He looks at your hand and gasps in surprise seeing it. You quickly tuck it in your pocket, with all the other petals in it. 'Sixty three petals and one flower.' You thought in your mind, knowing the disease was getting worse and worse.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest, Ouma?" He asked you with hesitation and you'd say 'I'm fine'.

You're not fine. You can't bear to see her-

You can see him contemplate for awhile before asking again, "It's her, isn't it?"

You nod.

"I have to keep it a secret?"

You nod again.

This time, he nods at you back and you three go back to your journey to the expected place. Angie asks if you were alright throughout the journey and all you did was smile and say "I'm alright."

You know full well you're not alright, because of her-

You can remember another word mama told you when you were young. Struggimento, a combination of gut-churning misery and yearning. The word that perfectly explains the whole situation you were in since you fell. Hanahaki was painful.

You should hate her for making you like this, but all that hate just gets replaced with love when you see her again.

\----

Time flew by fast. You arrived, you did an interview, you waited, then you three went home.

Himiko and Tenko had done theirs much more earlier but now you couldn't even contact them. Strange, but then again they're probably just hanging out.

You hadn't suspected anything weird really. It was just an interview, like a normal interview. You told them your name, your favorite characters [ Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu and Nagito Komaeda ], what you wanted to be [ The Ultimate Supreme Leader ], why you wanted it [ You wanted more friends ] , and your motives [ Joining along your 'friend' ]. You didn't tell them about your Hanahaki, though you're sure it'd be fine.

But when you saw a black van pull up beside you, it all changed.

Men quickly came out and put handkerchiefs over your faces. They first went for Korekiyo and he was fast asleep. And then, then they went for her.

You saw her, you saw her fainting. And it hurt, it hurt like how it always hurt when you saw her with him. It hurt so badly that you actually vomited all types of flowers that you had vomited before this coated in so much blood that it dripped and stained the pavement. You can barely see her getting surprised before she faints, and then they went for you.

For reasons unknown, they put the cloth over you the shortest time out of you three. Maybe because you were smaller. It was most likely the reason why you were still slightly conscious when they tossed you in the van. Next to you were Himiko and Tenko, also fainted and ten other people, whom you recognized were all from your school, including that jerk Kaito.

You then hear something along the lines of 'Do the Hanahaki surgery on that boy.' And then, drifted off into unconsciousness.

\----

The next time you're awake, you feel no more pressure on your throat. You feel no flowers in your lungs.

You were using something entirely new, something fit for the Ultimate Supreme Leader. Something much, much better than what you used to wear.

You walked around after you recovered and you found three girls wandering around the school. One of them was a magician, another an aikido master and third an artist. They all looked rather familiar now, but the artist. The artist was the one who struck a chord in you. You don't know why, but she did.

After a few minutes of introducing yourself, a couple of harsh remarks from the aikido master, a few magic chants from the magician, and a bit of Atua stuff from the artist, you went along your own way to meet other people.

Unbeknownst to any of you, seeds were already planting in the artist's vessel.

\----

A few days passed, two murders happened and no one really bothered to talk to you. Well, except for that detective, Shuichi and also the artist, Angie.

You took up an interest in Shuichi. He was interesting, and fun to tease. Angie would probably just blabber on about that Atua thing and nothing else though, so it didn't matter much.

You'd hear a few rumors of blood on the hallways with bloody petals but you never really confirmed it for yourself, so you paid no attention towards it.

Now you were just walking around the hallways. Spotting a few people here and there like the newly revealed Ultimate Assassin, Maki being bugged jokingly by that astronaut, Kaito. Then there'd be Gonta, the Ultimate Entomologist, talking with Miu, the Ultimate Inventor, about Kiibo's new prototype. He was the Ultimate Robot. It was fine.

Then you'd come across Angie, alone in a quiet part of the hallway. But the thing about her was that she was coughing. She was coughing out blood. And the only answer to that was Hanahaki. She was the one who all the rumors were about.

You'd approach her, hands behind your shoulders in a laid-back stature as you'd see her holding a yellow rose and an arborvitae, both symbolizing the same thing, friendship.

She looks at you in surprise as you just looked at her, miserable and coughing blood. "Soooo...Angie!" You spoke up, picking the plants from her palm. You linger at them for awhile before speaking again. "Who are these flowers for, then? Who's the lucky guuuuuuy?"

You see her looking down, looking down at her blood and then at you.

You've always been thinking that no one there would like you. No one would even talk to you with the exception of the detective and the artist. Sure, you'd seen Shuichi blush when you tease him and how Angie just manages to light up more at the presence or mere mention of your name but you never though anyone'd actually like you. And now here she is, standing before you, muttering a single word.

"You."

Unbeknownst to both of you, the feelings in you have been thrown away a long time ago

Oh how the tables have turned.

**Author's Note:**

> have i wrecked your feelings yet-


End file.
